


The Order of the Black Knights

by kakashikrazy256



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Gen, Humor, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 00:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5607265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakashikrazy256/pseuds/kakashikrazy256
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because we all know Zero is actually just a major dork, and everyone is susceptible to crazy in this organization. A collection of Black Knight shenanigans, because they really were just one big family. Chapter 1: A bake sale is the number 1 solution when funds are running low.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Order of the Black Knights

**Author's Note:**

> Recently I decided to rewatch Code Geass for the third time because my boyfriend has never seen it. So we did that over the Holiday Break. And now, I've invested myself into the fandom once again. 
> 
> So this will just be my collection of Black Knights shenanigans that showcase the relationships between Zero and his Knights. 
> 
> Enjoy

The moment the paper ball hit his head, Ohgi knew his day was about to take a turn for the worse.

Sparing Tamaki a withering glare, he picked up the crumpled sheet and smoothed it out.

_**MEETING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.** _ _**DON'T TELL ZERO!** _ _**PASS IT ON.** _

He blinked at the cursive scrawl, his eyes jumping to steal a quick glance at their fearless leader- _still explaining his elaborate operation plans with equally dramatic gestures, unaware of the elementary school note passing behind his back._

Don't tell Zero? His heart skipped a beat as possibilities ran through his mind. A coup d'état? Secret operations? Just Tamaki screwing around again? No, the handwriting was too neat to be Tamaki's. Maybe Diethard's? He didn't seem like the type to go against Zero like this.

He sighed, crumpling the paper again before flicking it at the back of Minami's head.

**/**

Surprisingly, only a handful of the Black Knights were present when Ohgi walked into the Ikaruga conference room. It seemed like the paper had only made it around to a select few. He was almost relieved to note that the members present were the senior members.

"So, what is this about?" He voiced his concerns nervously as he took a seat. Zero was certainly secretive, but he didn't feel all that comfortable meeting behind his back.

"I think that's everyone, then?" Diethard coughed, and the members nodded. "Very well, I call you all here today in secret because…." He paused dramatically- _Ohgi rolled his eyes_ , looking around the room before continuing.

"We're over the budget."

The bomb dropped.

"Over budget again?"

"So this has happened before?"

"Damn it Tamaki, stop spending the money on booze!"

"It wasn't me!"

"Hmph, I knew Zero can't be trusted enough to run this organization smoothly."

"How will fix up my children with a measly thousand bucks?"

"We're running low on milk too-"

"Milk? What about our salaries? I knew Zero's been skimping on payday latel-"

"GUYS!" Ohgi stood, palms slamming the table- _god damn that hurt_. "Relax! We can come up with a way to resolve this in a civil manner."

The Black Knights grumbled, but took their seats reluctantly.

"Also, I don't see why this meeting was called in secret. Shouldn't Zero be here for logistical stuff like this?"

"Pft, don't you remember the last time we brought up budget to Zero?" Sugiyama snorted.

"Man, I've never been lectured about money like that since living with my mom." Tamaki crossed his arms with a scowl.

"The point is, we have more members than anticipated. Unless we start throwing the newbies into the ocean, we need a source of money fast." Minami ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, it's not like we have steady jobs or anything. This is the only source of income I have." Tamaki pointed out.

"Well, at least we get fed aboard this ship for free…" Kallen pondered, wondering whether or not she should bring this up to Lelouch. Then, she recalled the pizza boxes piled to the ceiling in his quarters the last time she stopped by. _That asshole, spending so much on that Pizza Girl while the rest of us starve._

"Food that I help cook all the time. I don't even get paid to do that." Sugiyama growled.

"But that's only because Zero bailed out on cooking after that one time." Minami chuckled, slapping the man on the back.

**.**

"W-wait wait wait, that was ZERO'S cooking?" Tamaki sputtered a moment after. He recalled the over the top meals he had devoured a year ago, paling. There'd always be dinner in the mobile base kitchen, but he never asked, assuming it to be Inoue's or Sugiyama's work. He never knew his best bud had such awesome cooking skills.

"He used to cook for you?" Todoh raised an eyebrow skeptically. The masked egotistical man that stood above them all, willingly cooking for his subordinates? That was a bit difficult to believe.

"And he was good at it?" Asahina smiled, amused at the thought.

"Well, back then it was only a handful of us from the original resistance. We'd sometimes stay many nights at our old mobile base. No one ever questioned it when dinner appeared in the kitchenette." Ohgi defended their leader, a light blush over his face. Those were one of the best meals he had ever had, comparable to Chigusa's meals.

"Oh man, those were the days." Tamaki sighed contently. Kallen nodded, a small smile over her face. It was a known fact at Ashford that the Ice Prince was a surprisingly amazing cook. To think that Zero would utilize the same skills for his army- _no matter how small it had been back then_ \- was touching. She scowled and turned to her fellow Black Knight.

"Then Sugiyama decided to make curry one night, and told Zero that he'd rather have Japanese food over all that fancy stuff he made."

"Then Zero was all like 'oh I see, then you should be in charge of meals from now on Sugiyama' and he never made us food again!"

"T-that's not my problem! Who knew he'd be so bitter over it." Sugiyama protested.

"This is Zero we're talking about, his pride is higher than this ceiling.." Chiba scoffed.

"You weren't there, damn it! You wouldn't be saying that if you had his food before!" Tamaki swore.

"I wonder how he knows how to cook so well. Maybe he works as a chef part time?" Asahina hummed.

"A chef? Imagine Zero in an apron?" Sugiyama snickered.

"It would probably say 'Kiss the Rebel' or something like that!" Minami cracked a grin.

"S-stop using Zero as a joke." Ohgi attempted to scold, a small smile plastered on his face as well.

"As interesting as this conversation is, I don't see how this pertains to our budget problem." Rakshata tapped her pipe against the table lightly.

"Quite, we really do need to address this issue at hand." Diethard sighed at the immaturity of the room. These were supposed to be the toughest members of the Black Knights, sitting here giggling like students making rumors about their teacher. Although the image of Zero in a kitchen was a particularly strange one. The media expert would have to brainstorm on how to manipulate the fact in favor of their leader's image….

**!**

"THAT'S IT!" He slammed his files onto the table with a grin, causing everyone to jump.

"T-that we need to sell Zero aprons?" Minami blinked in confusion.

"Something even better."

**/**

"And that is why I believe Operation Bake Sale is the perfect way to increase the Black Knight's profits as well as improve our overall image!" Diethard slammed his hand against the whiteboard, chest heaving with excitement. His eyes gleamed as he stared at the masked man. The members present also turned to look at their leader curiously.

Zero was in his chair, legs crossed in a familiar manner. C.C stood behind him, always a shadow following their leader.

Though his face was void of emotion, a visor reflecting the lights, the Knights have grown accustom to reading Zero's posture. His shoulders were stiff, and his long fingers were clenched into fists. _Uh oh that wasn't good._

"You're telling me, Diethard…" He began slowly, causing everyone to tense. He stood abruptly, posture screaming indignant..

"That you want to turn the Black Knights into some sort of Girl Scout troop?!" He growled out, causing Ohgi to wince. He knew this was a terrible idea…

"But think about it Zero! Most parts of the world still view the Black Knights as murderous terrorists. They can't say that after we start selling brownies, now can they? Plus, if my calculations are correct, if we have successful bake sales in 68% of the island, we can have enough money to pay everyone on the Ikaruga above minimum wage!"

"Rights to the employees!" Tamaki screamed over Diethard's impassioned speech.

"And did you consider how the Black Knights are going to supply that many bake sales? Does it look like I have chefs stuffed in a storage room around here with whisks and flour in their hands?" Zero rubbed at the bridge of his nose- _or rather the center of his mask because damn it is hard to make such gestures with a mask on._

"That's the best part! You will be the one making them."

**…**

"What." Zero's chilling voice brought shivers down the newbies' back. The senior members just hid their smiles as they waited for Diethard's grand finale.

"This! This! This!" Diethard grinned and turned towards the whiteboard with a marker in hand. Seconds later, a small doodle of Zero in a chef's hat and apron- _reading 'Kiss the Rebel', must to Zero's chagrin_ \- appeared. The masked man twitched.

"What better way to assert the Black Knight's sincerity than having Zero bake the goods? I'm positive no member of the Britannian royalty could make a cupcake to save their lives!" Oh how wrong he was.

"This is ridiculous!" Zero retorted with a growl. The new members were already searching for places to hide from their leader's wrath. The senior members stood resilient.

"Aw come on , Zero buddy. It's not that bad. It's only…uhh 68%! You can get those cookies baked in no time!"

"Zero, I do believe this would be beneficial to Japan if you are able to create Japanese sweets." Todoh gave his opinion.

"Mochis. Mochis are good." Chiba nodded in agreement.

"Maybe you could make them Black Knight themed? Like….a Guren cupcake." Kallen added innocently. She could sense the aura of betrayal coming from Zero, and she gave him a sweet smile.

"Pizza….pizza shaped cookie." C.C. said with little emotion.

"Y-you too, witch?!" Zero spun around to face his accomplice.

"It's a good cause, Zero."

"Yeah, come on Zero. Do it for us! We need the money!"

"Zero please? Your cooking is the greatest!"

"Zero!"

"ENOUGH!" His demand silenced the conference room. With a growl he stormed out, cape twirling dramatically, C.C. silently trailing behind.

They winced when the door slammed shut.

"So, I think that went well."

**/**

"My my, you say one thing yet you do another. Are you sure you're not going soft, Lelouch?" C.C. chewed her slice of pizza as she watched the rebel's back.

"Shut….up…" Lelouch grunted as he pulled out another egg from the Ikaruga's fridge.

"They're bound to find out sooner or later. This is the fifth batch of cupcakes. The entire floor's starting to smell like vanilla." She hummed, twirling a strawberry in her hand before dropping it into her mouth. A 'tsk' left her mouth when she noticed the lack of response from the teen. She stared at the chocolate sauce besides her accomplice's arm.

"Ne, Lelouch."

"What?" He growled, grabbing the red icing from the table.

"Do you think chocolate sauce would make my pizza better?"

"No that's disgusting. And if you're going to sit there and talk, why don't you help me?"

"Hmm, why don't you ask Kallen. I'm sure she'd help you if she found out you're making her Guren cupcakes."

"They're supposed to be a secret." He hissed, concentrating on the frosted Guren he was making.

"To think that you're doing this because one of them finally said that your cooking was good. You're going to have to keep a hold of that big head of yours before it floats away, boy."

"Look, are you helping or not, witch? I'm on a schedule here!"

"….Make me one?"

"…Pardon?"

"A C.C. cupcake. One just for me."

"….Deal."

**/**

"Oh my god." Ohgi gaped at the scene before him. He made sure to pinch himself in the arm. Nope, still here. Not a dream.

"I-is this for real?" Tamaki swallowed his spit, and stumbled forward.

"Hmmm, I was wondering why it smelled so sickly sweet. Reminds me of that no good Earl of Pudding." Rakshata wrinkled her nose in disdain.

"I-I knew you'd come through Zero!" Diethard sniffed happily.

"Guren….Guren cupcakes." Kallen let out a breath, as if in a daydream. She picked up the dainty red velvet cupcake. "It looks just like it." She sighed happily, taking a bite out of the frosted guren on top. _Heavenly…_

"Look there's cupcakes of the Akatsukis too!" Asahina lifted the blueberry cupcake into the air victoriously. Todoh nodded approvingly. Chiba picked up a strawberry mochi, and took a bite. "Passable, I guess…"

"Hm, I guess they're alright. At least you've got the details accurate." Rakshata hummed, staring down at the Knightmare themed desserts. "Though it would've been hilarious if the cupcakes blew up. How fun would that be!"

"He….he actually did it." Ohgi whispered in disbelief. Diethard's plan had worked. He bite into a Zero-mask themed cookie and sighed. Delicious, as expected.

"ATTENTION BLACK KNIGHTS!" They all perked up at the sudden voice of their commander. A look around showed that the voice was coming from the loud speakers. Ohgi noted that the man sounded deliriously tired, but decided to focus on his words.

"This is hereby a challenge from the Leader of the Black Knight, Zero. A SELL OFF!"

Ohgi choked on his cookie. "A what?!" Everyone's chatter ended as they eagerly waited for Zero to explain.

"The division that sells the most baked goods will receive a 10% increase to their division's budget." His voice came again in a subdued tone. Then there was a click, and the speakers were off.

**.**

Then all hell broke loose.

Todoh, being the quickest, grabbed ten trays of baked goods. Chiba and Asahina close behind with their own supplies.

"We're getting those chainsaw guns that shoot out smaller guns, and that's final." Todoh commanded, jumping into his Knightmare.

"Yes sir!"

"Come back here, Tamaki! You're the head of janitorial affairs. Why the hell do you need a 10% increase?"

"We need new mops, okay? We need one of the Swift Sweepers!" He grabbed all the brownies he could hold before barreling through the crowd.

"New….cameras…must have those new cameras…" Diethard mustered out before getting trampled by a fiercely determined redhead.

"Oh no you don't, my Guren needs a new paint job and no one's going to stand in my way!"

Ohgi took a sweeping glance around the battle zone and buried his face in his hands with a groan.

It was going to be another long day.

**/**

"Are you sure that girl from the Student Council hasn't influenced you too much?" C.C. licked the minty frosting off her fingers as she bite into her pistachio cupcake.

"I can appreciate Milly's work. It's quite amusing." Lelouch let out a snicker, watching Ohgi fall face-first into a tray of cream puffs.

"Do you really think this will solve our budget problem? How many people do you think will accept a cookie from a terrorist?"

"It's fine." The revolutionary gave a laugh, prompting the immortal to raise an eyebrow.

"Even if it doesn't, I could just geass a noble or play a couple chess matches. But this…." He allowed a soft smile to grace his features, watching some members throw cupcakes at each other, grins on their faces. It was a first to hear so much laughter coming from the Battleship Ikaruga.

"Things have been a bit too serious lately. I supposed festivals like these are needed, right?" He smirked at the witch.

C.C. blinked at her accomplice for a moment before letting out a laugh.

"You really have changed, boy."

**/**

In the end, it was Tamaki who won. He had managed to sell to over 26% of the island, more than any other member had managed.

"How is that even possible?" Kallen had growled.

"He cheated, he definitely cheated." Sugiyama had cursed.

The other Black Knights had the same sentiments, but broiled in their bitterness silently as Zero handed the smug Tamaki his prize.

"How did you do it?" Ohgi whispered to the man after he had waved the bonus check to everyone's face.

"Easy!" Tamaki grinned, and pulled out a bag filled with brownies.

The Deputy Commander looked at him with suspicion before plucking one from the pile, taking a bite.

His eyes widened.

"Weed. You sold the people weed brownies." He chewed thoughtfully.

"Hell yeah I did, the adults ate it up like crazy! And the kids just took the regular ones. But once they knew the secret ingredient I sprinkled on, I had them wrapped around my pinky."

Ohgi nodded, staring at the bag hungrily. He pointed at the goods, giving Tamaki a look.

"How much for the bag?"

The other man's grin only grew wider.

**/**

Seeing that he was the only one in Janitorial affairs, the check belong solely to Tamaki.

He spent a majority of it gambling, blowing it- _a majority of the Black Knights vowed to kick him off the battleship while he slept._ However, he did as he promised and purchased several Swift Sweepers.

And the Ikaruga had never looked cleaner.

**Author's Note:**

> Why did this end up being so long? OTL I promise it will be shorter next chapter? It will probably be about Zer-Lelouch's crossdressing habits. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, and will hopefully motivate me to continue writing for this fandom.


End file.
